Happy Spot

Where has my Happy Spot gone?

I’m sitting here in the dark typing on a keyboard. At one time this was pleasing for me. I remember when I was hospitalized recovering from surgery, lying in bed, looking at the television screen, confused that I could find the keyboard that paired with the monitor! My thought then was “F*** it all. If they won’t give me the keyboard it is their problem”. Well it wasn’t my problem anyway. Now I’m here doing nothing and still not happy. What the hell has happened?

I guess the goal in life is not finding my Happy Spot after all. Looking for some Happy Spot is just what we do. Not finding it is mostly what happens. I find myself settling for what makes me feel the least bad. And even that is hard lately. But. . . There is always something at the bottom of the list. It is the nature of a list! To have a last item!

I kept a pile of ROCKs in the backyard and a large hammer in the tool shed and it gave me pleasure making ROCKs into GRAVEL. Not that having GRAVEL is a better thing than having ROCKs but destroying ROCKs myself seemed better than seeing others do it. ROCKs were just a placeholder for other things in life. Now all I see is other destroying ROCKs and I have no pleasure in it.

It seems that the whole world doesn’t give a damn. And I don’t either. What a pathetic state to have no Happy Spot to search for.